Shipmates take care of each other. This is a lesson I learned at a young age. My aunt’s uncle is Captain Paul Milius, after whom the USS Milius (DDG-69) is named. He is missing in action in Laos/Vietnam after staying at the controls of a flaming aircraft to ensure his crew could bail out. Seven of the nine were quickly rescued, thanks to his actions.
Later, I saw the same leadership and commitment in my husband, a now-retired Navy Reserve captain. He spent hours mentoring his sailors, lending a helping hand where he could, and praying for the families of those he could no longer help.
Yet, when my husband needed help himself in dealing with his post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from Operations Iraqi Freedom and New Dawn, Navy Reserve leaders came up short. After my late-night call to the suicide hotline, Navy Occupational Support Center leaders refused to talk to me or my husband about his health needs. A letter from his Vet Center counselor describing his life-or-death situation was ignored. Voicemail to Navy Reserve Physiological Health Outreach Program (PHOP) went unreturned. When I finally reached a live person, there was no follow-up. When regional leaders learned of the issues, official documentation of those issues disappeared. When admirals eventually heard part of the story, they said (in a low voice when they thought I was out of earshot) that they did not need to see a woman cry.
How can the Navy expect people such as me to entrust it with our spouses and children if its leaders act like that?
We can do better—each of us, regardless of our role and status. Here are a few suggestions:
- Keep a card in your wallet with the number 800-273-8255 for the Veterans Crisis Line. Yes, they will even help deeply worried spouses late on snowy, Saturday nights. I know.
- Know the location of your local Vet Center and understand how it differs from a VA medical center. Better yet, go visit your local Vet Center. These centers are for anyone (active duty, reserve, retired) who has served in a combat zone—and their immediate families.
- Know the signs of PTSD—especially ones easy to miss or dismiss: agitation, restlessness, irritability, hypervigilance, anxiety, dread, mistrust, and insomnia. Even I, a professional medical researcher, daughter of a World War II Army combat vet, sister-in-law of a Vietnam combat vet, and wife of an Iraq War vet, missed the signs. Twice.
- Help sailors get a professional evaluation and assistance regardless of your uncertainty or skepticism. You are probably about as accurate in diagnosing PTSD as you are in diagnosing cancer—another illness you normally cannot see. If nothing else, do it to protect yourself from legal investigations for dereliction of duty.
Shipmates take care of each other. I still want to believe that’s true. Lives depend on it. Perhaps your career does, too.