In the poem “The God Abandons Antony” by Constantine P. Cavafy, the Roman general Marcus Antonius suffers through the siege of Alexandria as Bacchus, his god and protector, deserts him. The poem is about the struggle against doubt, misfortune, and, ultimately, failure; it also is about how to face loss with dignity, self-worth, and honor.
Over the years, I have witnessed outstanding sailors’ careers ended by forces and outcomes they could not have controlled—victims of uncertainty, randomness, volatility. Remarkable officers passed over for promotion. Good sailors who destroyed their careers in one ill-advised night. And I have lost count of the sailors I have seen give the Navy everything they had, only to retire bitter and angry because they did not get the assignment they wanted, that end of tour award, or because of a host of other disappointments.
My point is that disappointment, failure, and rejection happen to everyone, and, sometimes, they happen to those who do not seem to deserve it.
It is natural to feel disappointed if you are not selected for that plum assignment, are passed over for promotion, or fail to accomplish a mission, but you should be concerned if you find yourself blaming others for not getting what you want. You can be forgiven for brooding over your hurt for a little while, but if that bitterness becomes part of your narrative, your constant thought, it can become a parasite that overshadows all your other qualities.
As sailors, we have taken an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States. It might be difficult to remember this when suffering through failure or loss, but service to the nation should be the core reason anyone chooses to serve in the Navy or any of the armed forces. It is the value we all must return to when things do not turn out the way we expected. We have chosen to serve, and the moment we begin to get wrapped around the axle about promotions, fitness reports, or personal awards, we have lost sight of the fundamental reason we are wearing the uniform.
This is a tough pill to swallow. I have enjoyed great success and blessings in my Navy career, but I also have suffered significant setbacks and straight-up failures. After dreaming about being a pilot for most of my life, for example, my aspirations hit a concrete wall at the end of flight school. With only five months left before earning my wings, I was diagnosed with a rare heart condition, precluding me from ever flying again. It was a crushing blow.
During such setbacks, it would be easy to blame others, but that is never helpful. Accepting responsibility for our problems, even for ones that are not our fault, is the first step toward solving them. As author Mark Manson said, “The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives.”
As sailors, we do not always get to choose our assignments, responsibilities, and missions any more than we get to choose the end of tour award we want or our ranking in a soft breakout. However, we do have a choice in how we react when the cards are laid out before us.
The key is to not let your ego hijack your values. Understanding your values, understanding what kind of impact you want to make in the Navy, will provide a North Star to guide you in rough seas.
Whenever you experience a failure, rejection, or setback, reflect on your personal values. Why did you join the Navy? Was it to make admiral one day, or was it because you wanted to serve your country? Did you join the Marine Corps to earn achievement medals, or did you join because you wanted to be a part of something greater than yourself?
So, in Cavafy’s words, “don’t mourn your luck that’s failing now, work gone wrong, your plans all proving deceptive, don’t mourn them uselessly.” Hold on to your values. Hold on to your oath. If you can do that, even when it seems your career is crashing down, you will still succeed in maintaining your dignity and honor, regardless of rank, award, or position.
