In the beginning, there was Command. Command was the ultimate aspiration of every officer. Command was both the ultimate test and the ultimate adventure. And yet, as much as Command meant, it was not good enough.
And so came Command and Control—"C2" for the abbreviation-loving Navy. (Command? Control? Is there a difference? If you are in Command, are you not also . . . never mind.)
Then came C3—Command, Control, and Communications. (Isn't Communication just a tool of Command? Does it not help Command exert Control? Why not just shorten it all to C1? Or even C? Aren't we all about C-power?)
Then came C3I (adding I for Intelligence) and even more letters as everyone who had yet another concept to push tried to make the acronym longer. At this rate we will soon need an abbreviation for the abbreviation.
After watching this continually bloating acronym expand for a couple of decades, I finally tuned it out when it became Command, Control, Communications, Computers, Combat System Intelligence, Surveillance, and Reconnaissance—or C5ISR. (Wait a minute, didn't someone miss the extra "S" in there? Shouldn't it be spelled C5SISR?) No doubt other letters have signed up since I lost interest in exactly what concepts this alphabetic idol was supposed to convey.
Speaking of concepts—Computers? That word isn't just a concept, it represents an actual tool. So if we are into tools and not just concepts, why not add P for Photocopiers? TD for Thumb Drives? Better yet, H for Hammers? Lots of people in Command use Hammers as motivators. Or, if not Hammers, then Big Sticks. That way we can work in the letters "BS."
But I digress.
I guess I should count myself lucky that no one has tried to make an acronym of the word COMMAND itself. At least, I don't think anyone has—maybe someone did and I missed it. Which is still lucky for me. (On the other hand, you know, it is kind of tempting . . .)
Better yet, we could fold acronyms into acronyms, so that each letter stands for a word whose letters stand for more words, kind of like an endless hall of mirrors. Heck, we may be able to get the whole tactical publications library into one alphanumeric blob that stands for everything you would need to know. (Which raises the possibility that the acronym might have to be classified, and the word classifying it could actually be longer than the acronym itself. And a redacted, declassified version would be one black rectangle obscuring the acronym.)
Still, you have to ask yourself, what exactly is this expanding alphanumeric supposed to do—compress everything an officer should know (or think about) into an easy- (easy??) to-remember code? Good luck with that, whoever is trying.
And speaking of "whoever is trying," just where do these additions and modifications come from? Who started this? I have a feeling someone has been racking up fitrep bullets with this for a long time.
Well, fortunately not for that long. If this had started with, say, Alexander, we would now struggle with removing or, more likely, replacing letters. ("What do we do about the H for Horses?" "Well, we could change it to H for Helos.")
Then, after Alexander, you would have had the poor Romans trying to figure out whether the "V" in the acronym stood for a word or for the number five. So I guess we should just be happy that the concept of gigantic acronyms is a relatively recent phenomenon.
Nevertheless, herewith I offer some additions just to make sure we touch all the hot buttons the Navy now has:
Command, Control, Communications, Computers, Combat Systems, Commitment, Copiers, Credit Cards, Charisma, Cholesterol-free, Combat-ready, Horse— oops, sorry—Helos, Hammers, Intelligence, Integrity, Surveillance, Scouting, Safety, Shooting, Shucks, Thumb Drives, Reconnaissance, Retention, Reserve—or C12H2I2S5TDR3.
And woe to the officer who aspires only to Command.
Captain Sherbo was recalled to active duty in June 2004 to serve as Fifth Fleet's representative to Coalition Forces in Iraq. He returned home in April 2005 and retired from the Navy Reserve in June 2006 after 30 years of service.
Nobody Asked Me But...Command of the Cs
By Captain Paul Sherbo, U.S. Navy Reserve (Retired)