Balancing Corps & Marriage

 

Imagine that your battalion is being sent into combat. As you are waiting to be airlifted into the combat zone, you hear rumors that half of the battalion already committed has been wiped out. The first thing you would ask is “Why are we suffering so many casualties? Fac­ing a 50% casualty rate, you surely would want to know Why so many Marines were coming back in body bags.

Because half of the marriages in the United States end in divorce, many single people are concerned about not becoming statistics. With divorce figures even higher among first-term Marines, both single and married Marines flight want to know why so many military marriages are crashing and burning.

Marriage rates are decreasing among civilians, but Marines are marrying in ever-increasing numbers. In 1980, for example, 33% of all Marines were married. Five years later, that number had increased to 44.4%. Today, some 48.6% of Marines are married. Because the number of Marines marrying between the ages of 17 and 21 is steadily increasing, it is not surprising that the number of divorces also is growing.

The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. That rate peaked in the early 1980s with 22.6 di­vorces per 1,000 couples. Since then, the annual rate has decreased slightly and has remained fairly constant throughout the 1990s at around 21 per 1,000. While it is difficult to compare civilian and Marine Corps divorce rates directly, it is noteworthy that there were 51 divorces or separations per 1,000 married Marines in 1980. That number increased to 63 divorces or separations per 1,000 in 1992.

It is easy to understand why the Marine Corps is con­cerned about this escalating problem. In 1980, there were 3,477 divorces in a force of 188,474 Marines. By 1992 there were 6,134 divorces in a force of 188,023. Using 1980 figures as a base line, this represents an increase of 2,657 divorces, or 76.8%. Among younger Marines over this same 12-year period, there were 701 privates through corporals—out of a force of 122,630—divorced in 1980. That number increased to 1,416 out of a force of 114,148 in 1992, which translates into a 117% increase.

In addition, military personnel in general tend to re­marry sooner than their civilian counterparts—while one or both partners still may be “on the rebound”—so it is not surprising to learn that 40% of second marriages within the military break up within the first five years.

Married First-Term Marines

At a time when personnel cuts and a high operational tempo are forcing Marines to be separated from their fam­ilies for longer periods, the Marine Corps is concerned particularly about the ability of its younger 18- and 19- year-old Marines and their spouses to cope with the mul­tiple challenges of naval life. Unlike Army and Air Force units, which are not subjected to as frequent or as lengthy deployments, Marines and sailors today can anticipate being deployed 40%-60% of the time.

An August 1993 report from the Commanding General of the I Marine Expeditionary Force documents the impact that premature first-term marriages can have on operational readiness. According to the report, during the first seven months of 1993, a married first-term Marine was:

►  Three times more likely to receive a hardship discharge than an unmarried first-term Marine

►  Twice as likely to receive a personality-disorder dis­charge as his unmarried contemporary

►  Five times more likely to have made a suicide attempt or gesture than an unmarried first-term Marine

It also was reported that:

On a recent six-month battalion deployment to Oki­nawa, 12 first-term married Marines could not make the deployment due to problems associated with their wives’ emotional [in]stability; nine more Marines had to return home early from the deployment on emergency leave due to their wives’ emotional [instability; and these cases represented 50% of the first-term Marines granted emergency leave during the deployment.¹

Reports from commanding officers note that “the lifestyle of our profession strains even mature marriages, as is evident by the high divorce and separation rates among officers and staff [noncommissioned officers].

Among young Marines, where the wives are often under 18 years of age, the impact is even worse, often tragic.”²

Why Marines Marry

There are a number of reasons why so many first-term Marines marry. When our country adopted an all-volun­teer force, pay was increased and family entitlements were expanded to attract more recruits. By calling attention to family benefits such as basic allowance for quarters, separation allowances, commuted rations, and, in some cases, variable housing allowances, the military created the illusion that married military couples have more money than single personnel.

Another reason many Marines marry is to escape lone­liness and barracks life. Unlike days when a number of Marines lived together in open squad bays, today’s Marines are more likely to be billeted three to a room. Married life offers companionship and also lets a Marine avoid the hassle of barracks inspections. Additionally, substandard barracks with few amenities can motivate Marines to seek the more comfortable and private quarters available to married personnel.

A third reason a number of Marines marry has to do with sex. More young people today are engaging in pre­marital sex and at an earlier age. With the advent of AIDS, Marines are more aware of the dangers of sleeping around. The risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases—in­cluding AIDS—is greatly reduced for those involved in monogamous sexual relationships.

There are many more reasons for the high marriage rate among first-term Marines, but one reason is especially worth mentioning: pregnancy. Almost all marriages involving pregnant teenage girls fail, particularly if the couple did not have a marriage date set prior to the pregnancy.³

Why Do Marine Marriages Fail?

Having considered why Marines marry, it’s worth con­sidering some of the reasons that so many military mar­riages fail.

Financial Insecurity. Many Marines mistakenly believe that by marrying they will have more money. Although married military couples qualify for additional financial entitlements, they also incur more expenses, particularly when children enter into the picture. Frequent moves and assignments to high unemployment areas often pre­clude the spouse from finding a job to help augment low' income. If the spouse does work, the high cost of child care often offsets the income that is generated.

Base housing is not always available, and off-base hous­ing in certain areas is unaffordable for young enlisted cou­ples with very limited incomes. Limited military medical staffing may require dependents to be cared for at civil' ian hospitals, where CHAMPUS covers only 80% of the costs. The 20% that must be met by the military coupl^e can be an exorbitant amount for certain medical proce­dures, including prenatal and delivery costs.

The financial insecurity of military life is reflected dra­matically in the fact that in 1992 military commissaries

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took in $25.4 million in food stamps from military personnel living below the poverty level.⁴

Marines who are thinking of get­ting married to collect extra enti­tlements should not forget about the expense of providing for a spouse and children. Marriage should not be looked at as a money-making proposition.

Deployments and Separations.

The Marine Corps is today’s “9-1-1 Force.” As a result, Marines face multiple and lengthy deployments, often during their first term. In light of this unfortunate fact of life, it is critical that Marine spouses have the maturity and sense of independence necessary to carry on during the extended absences of their partners.

Lengthy separations are hard on even the most seasoned Marine Corps marriages, and they can often present overwhelming difficulties for new marriages. Generally speaking, the younger the spouse, the more difficult it is to endure the loneliness and stress.

Because military couples experience numerous sepa­rations and moves, they can be challenged more regard­ing fidelity than those couples who are seldom sepa­rated or who have fewer social contacts. Military couples need to ask themselves if they will be able to remain faith­ful to marriage vows when they are faced with multiple and extended deployments. Beyond the fact that adultery is a criminal offense punishable under Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, most military mar­riages do not survive when one or both spouses have com­mitted adultery.

Unlike many civilian couples who tend to marry, set­tle, and remain in a particular area, Marine couples are transferred on the average of every 2.4 years more often than even their counterparts in other services. Such moves can be both financially and emotionally taxing. As­signment to overseas duty stations also requires a flexi­bility on the part of a Marine Corps spouse to adapt to the challenge of living in a foreign culture without the close support of parents or life-long friends.

Maturity Level. Marriage is a very important decision. Unfortunately, some first-term Marines lacking the maturity to evaluate their decision realistically and un­aware of the strains of married military life—marry im­pulsively. They later lament that:

>• They had a lot more money and freedom while they Were single.

V   There are a number of peculiarities about their spouses that are surfacing only now—after the marriage.

V   There are other persons they now are attracted to, with whom they have more in common than with their spouses.

Military life requires a certain degree of maturity, es­pecially for couples, who must cope with the multiple challenges of long-term separations, frequent moves, and the rest. While age is not the only measure of ma­turity, it generally does give a per­son perspective and a greater abil­ity to adapt. It is easy to understand why Marine commanders are con­cerned about this issue: At one point a few years ago, the average age of a mother giving birth at the Camp Lejeune hospital was seventeen-and- a-half.⁵

Children From Previous Rela­tionships. The number of marriages involving partners with children from earlier relationships is higher in the military than in the civilian sector. Being a stepparent is difficult enough in itself, but adding long­term separations and frequent geo­graphical moves makes it even more challenging. Unfortunately, many young Marines and their spouses do not have the parenting skills neces­sary to raise children from an earlier relationship.

While children in a first marriage can help foster sta­bility and increase the chances that a couple will remain together, studies show that children from an earlier mar­riage can predispose some families toward divorce.

Cohabitation. A number of Marines cohabitate today. While some couples are already engaged to marry, others cohabitate as a form of trial marriage, to see if they are compatible.

A 1987 study by the National Bureau of Economic Re­search revealed that couples who lived together before marriage had an 80% higher divorce rate than couples who did not cohabitate.

A National Council on Family Relations study of more than 300 newly married couples found a higher degree of dissatisfaction among those who cohabited before their wedding. Women, in particular, were more unhappy with the quality of their communication after they married. Sur­prising as it may seem, premarital cohabitation actually inhibits basic communication about critical aspects of mar­ried life. Because effective communication is one of the most important factors in marriage, cohabitation can re­duce the chances of marital success.

Three-Phase Training Program

If a weapon habitually jammed or a particular aircraft had a high accident rate, the Marine Corps would under­take efforts to study and rectify the problems. Similarly, in light of the high number of failed marriages, I have rec­ommended that the Marine Corps consider implementing a marriage preparation and enrichment program built around three training sessions.

The first phase of this training, entitled “Marriage and the First-Term Marine,” would be offered to recruits during basic training. This instruction would familiarize

Marines with the challenges associated with marriage dur­ing one’s first term and would offer recommendations on how to increase the chances for success in marriage.

After Marines complete basic training and report to the School of Infantry, a second phase of marriage instruc­tion could complement the training offered at the Marine Corps Recruiting Depots. Such instruction would em­ploy video interviews with Marines and dependents who discuss marital problems involving finances, the stress and loneliness associated with frequent separations, the effects of divorce on children, and other difficulties.

The third phase of the program would involve an an­nual one-hour training presentation offered to all Marines on the topic of marriage preparation and enrichment. Just as Marines are expected to requalify at the rifle range to maintain their marksmanship skills, so too would they be called annually to sharpen their marriage and family skills, which also can affect military performance.

The purpose in recommending such a training program is not only to reduce divorce rates and other problems as­sociated with problematic relationships—such as suicide and spouse abuse—but also to promote more fulfilling marriage relationships and family life.

Recommendations for Avoiding Divorce

The first recommendation is “Don’t rush things.” There are distinct advantages to dating different individuals be­fore choosing a spouse.

A very wise person once said that your spouse also should be your best friend. Meaningful friendships require time to develop and mature. It takes time to get to know an individual well enough to be sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.

The second recommendation is to enroll in a marriage preparation or enrichment program. The chances of suc­cess in marriage are higher among those couples who par­ticipate in these types of programs. Entering into marriage with proper preparation—that is, basic training in areas such as communication, finances, and conflict resolution—- will help a couple avoid becoming part of the 50% body count of mortally wounded marriages.

Marriage courses—designed both for partners prepar­ing for marriage and for those who are already married— help couples examine their strengths and weaknesses in critical areas of married life. The format of these programs vary from weekday evening sessions to weekend group encounters (e.g., Engaged Encounter, Marriage Encounter).

Marriage preparation and enrichment programs allow couples to discuss what they have in common and to share their honest feelings about their differences. One topic covered in these programs that is a frequent source of con­flict among military couples is finances. Family Service Center counselors report that financial problems cause more arguments between young military couples than any other issue.

The third recommendation is to consider the support derived from involvement in a faith community. Studies show that chances of success in marriage are much higher among couples who attend worship together. While 50% of American marriages end in divorce, that number drops to 20% among couples who worship together regularly.

Most religions have particular marriage requirements, including mandatory marriage preparation and a period of notification, to reduce the risk of premature marriages. While chaplains may not be familiar with the specific re­quirements of all faith groups, they are prepared to refer Marines to other appropriate chaplains or civilian clergy.

Resources for Marital Success

Marines preparing for marriage and married Marines who would like to strengthen their relationships have the benefit of a variety of resources, including chaplains and Family Service Center representatives. Most bases also provide regularly scheduled marriage preparation and en­richment programs, which are strongly supported by Ma­rine commanders.

Many chaplains, civilian clergy, and counselors use mar­ital surveys in their counseling. One such aid, soon to be readily available throughout the Marine Corps, is “Mar­riage and Military Life.” This publication, designed both for Marines who are preparing for marriage and those who are already married, should help couples review impor­tant areas of married life and evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of their relationships.

Other reading materials and videotapes regarding mar­riage preparation and enrichment also are available from chaplains and Family Service Center representatives.

Marriage is one of the most important decisions that a person will make. Because people, not weapons, are the Marine Corps’ most important assets, a Marine’s mar­ried life is of great concern to the Corps. At a time when personnel cuts and a high operational tempo are forcing particularly Marines and sailors to be separated from their families and loved ones for longer periods of time, the Marine Corps is taking active measures to promote more stable married and family life.

For further help in preparing for marriage or strength­ening an already existing marriage, Marines are encour­aged to speak to a chaplain or a Family Service Center counselor. Through their assistance, Marine families can find support and married couples can be strengthened in their commitment to remain Semper Fi.

'Memorandum for Lieutenant General Robert Johnston from Major General Charles E. Wilhelm, 1000 CG, of 13 August 1993.

²Ibid.

’With the development of DNA testing, which can prove parenthood, the respon­sibility of providing child support and the impact that irresponsible sexual behavior can have on one’s career must be considered by both single and married Marines- A white letter issued by the Commandant (No. 15-92) makes it clear that Marines who neglect or refuse to provide financial support for dependents will be subject to “administrative or disciplinary action, which may result in forfeiture of pay* confinement, and/or discharge from the Marine Corps.”

⁴David Sommers, “Marine Commandant’s Sagacity,” The Washington Times, 18 August 1993, p. F4.

’Ibid.

Commander Gomulka is the Deputy Chaplain of the U.S. Marine Corps- His previous assignments have included the 2d Marine Division, the U.S. Naval Academy, the Sixth Fleet, and the Wisconsin (BB-64).