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By Lieutenant Commander F. J. Slyfield II, U»S. Naval Reserve, and Janies Pollard
The enormous and continually escalating expense of maintaining and operating the weapon systems and equipment of today’s fleet is well documented. Pentagon analyst Albert Spinney has estimated that by the year 2001 a sum of 28 million dollars will be required to Purchase a single phillips-head screwdriver.1 Skyrocketing costs and recent budget cutbacks are being felt in the fleet even today, in the form of funding reductions that cut 'nto operational and training funds. Navy F/A-18 or replacement air groups reportedly have even been forced to send young pilots to video arcades with bags of quarters to Play MACH-III, in order to maintain weapon systems delivery proficiency.2 Obviously, the Navy will be forced to find new and innovative ways of dealing with cost escalation and shrinking budgets. Here are some modest, cost- effective, and morale-enhancing suggestions—food for thought, so to speak.
Our first proposal, which we have code-named Vegetables for Peace, or VegPax, is rooted in the old tradition of integrating a nation’s fighting forces into its economy and culture. The Israelis are famous for doing this by incorporating their farmers and artisans into the military. The Soviets often use soldiers to harvest wheat. The idea was first attempted in the 20th century during the Spanish Civil ^ar when the Confederacion Nacional de Trabajadores fielded a crack unit of opera-singing bomber pilots. This Ur»it, whose exploits were chronicled by George Orwell in Homage to Catatonia, functioned effectively as a close- air-support asset during the day and repertory theater at night.3 This continued until the unfortunate bombing of the El Despacio Opera House in Seville by Hitler’s famed Condor Legion, which wiped out the entire squadron during a performance of its wildly acclaimed adaptation of Gidget Goes to Moscow.” Even earlier, however, came file idea of integrating fighting units into the agricultural ’Hilieu. In World War I, for example, the U.S. 98th Aero Pursuit Squadron racked up the highest kill ratio of any fiying squadron on the Western Front while simultaneously winning a garden club azalea competition in Balti- iiore.4 '
Today, there are thousands of acres of perfectly arable 'and surrounding airstrips at most naval air stations. This 'and could be planted as a sort of militant truck garden. Vegetables grown could be consumed in the base galleys, and the remainder could be sold from stands outside the front gate. This would not only reduce food costs but Vvould also provide a steady cash flow into the Navy supply system, which would furnish the seeds and tools. Manpower would not be a problem; it might even mean c>;panding the ranks to include a new AH (aviation hor- ficulturalist) rating.
Even aviators could easily integrate farm chores into Iheir other duties. We foresee a time when a jet aviator ,could find himself scheduled for a low-level bombing mis- s'on in the morning and plowing the lower 40 in the afternoon . Navy search-and-rescue helicopters could be outfitted with insecticide sprayers and used on base as well as
Proceedings / February 1991
Plowing
could be accompanied by an aggressive marketing campaign, using such terms as Top Gun Tomatoes, Napalm Nuggets Canned Corn, and Tomcat Carrots—“for a fighter pilot’s eyesight.”
Our second proposal also has its roots in successful national policy. In the 17th century, the English created a military operational philosophy that essentially allowed their navy to parlay methods of creative financing into an empire lasting 400 years. We suggest that the President and the Joint Chiefs of Staff select a month at random in each fiscal year and issue letters of marque to the deployed units of the fleet giving them carte blanche to scourge the shipping lanes of whatever fat prize might strike their fancy.
The authors can envision the scene on the flag bridge of the supercarrier Nimitz (CVN-68) as the top-secret Hash message is handed to Commander, Carrier Group Atlantic. With a gleam in his eye he might turn to the men on the bridge and issue the order: “Officer of the Deck, strike the stars and stripes and raise the Jolly Roger, harr harr harr, me buckos!” With this command and a simultaneous message directed to all maritime nations, the command components of the U.S. fleet could keep whatever they
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could catch. Foreign governments could be given formal notification through diplomatic channels, and shipping concerns could make their own decisions about whether to allow their ships to venture onto the main.
The monetary rewards of this venture are obvious, and the spoils could be distributed among the crew along the lines of current pay scales with a certain percentage earmarked for the coffers of the Pentagon. Imagine the morale-enhancing aspects of this plan. Naval pride and tradition would be restored with the thrilling sight of petty officers with tallow candles taped to their beards swinging across underway replenishment lines onto the Love Boat, armed to the teeth with wrenches, chains, and .45-caliber pistols in their belts. Cruise ships would be particularly prized for their food, jewelry, and recreational activities.
These forays could also be the impetus for career development; the officers would gain expertise in the field of haggling in the back alleys of Naples or trying to convert a Japanese containership full of Sony Trinitrons into ready cash. In addition to making sea travel an adventure again’ rather than the bland, safe mode of transportation it has become today, this could go a long way toward curbing our growing trade deficits.
We hope military planners will be able to adopt some o these modest proposals. In the words of social commend*' tor Judy Tanuda, “It could happen!”
'Kathy Lee Crosby, “Beating Plowshares into AK-47’s,” Holistic Diplomacy R1' view, March 1983.
2Henry Kissinger, “I Took a Ride in a Spaceship and Learned How to Cure Ca * cer,” National Enquirer, June 1969.
3Homage to Catatonia (Art and Sausages Press, 1939). Chapter Nine.
4Lady Bird Johnson, Flowers for the Kaiser (Dial Press, 1949).
Commander Slyfield is currently a pilot for Delta Airlines and flies S-3> in the Naval Reserve.
James Pollard is a former naval officer and is a computer programing and systems analyst for a defense contractor. He is currently working 011 a master’s degree at Old Dominion University in computer science
__________________________________________ Wee Bonnie_______________ —----------------------
During an exchange tour with the Royal Canadian Navy 881 Squadron, my unit was embarked on board HMCS Bonaventure, a light fleet carrier of Royal Navy origin, and Canada’s only aircraft carrier. As we were approaching Mayport, Florida, we observed a ship of vast dimensions standing out of the carrier basin.
“WHO ARE YOU?” flashed the Bonaventure.
“WE ARE UNITED STATES SHIP RANGER. WE ARE A CARRIER.”
“WE ARE TOO!” was the Bonaventure’s quick reply.
J. K. Stanley
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